Hot Race

Obviously, smokin hot and 80% humidity or more. Everyone sweating
just standing around.
Trail was in great shape. Fast with just enough grip to push it into
the turns and not slide out. There were a handful of muddy spots.
Before Start: Ben "Jeff, lets grow some nuts and push it at the start
and get ahead of some of these guys who have been beating us! Let's
make them pass us!" Jeff: "You wanna a hard sprint at the start
huh?" Ben: "Yep".
But Jeff didn't get there soon enough to get on the front of the start
line like I did. I thought he was screwd. But gun went off and Jeff
was right behind me as we held 5th and 6th place into the trail.
Three riders made some ground ahead of us and left us following some
guy who was doing ok until Cliffside trail's wet switchbacks. I
decided I'd try and pass him and make up the gap to the leaders. I
yelled back, "we need to pass this guy" and when I had a chance, I
passed on a turn. Jeff didn't make it with me but I was off and
feeling really good and fast. All was good, I was pulling those guys
in, until on a rocky section my chain fell off. It took me a good
minute to get it back on with my 1x9 chain guide in the way. 2 or 3
people passed w/o saying anything so I assumed Frame was one of them.
Finished lap one and saw Janet and asked if Frame had gone through yet
and she said "no". I assumed he'd flatted or something.
Lap two I was probably riding in 6th place or 7th until I had the
chain drop again! took another minute to put it on and that's when I
began to feel the "pinch" in the legs. I thought...."oh crap, I'm not
supposed to feel that until about 5 miles from the finish!". I ended
up dropping the chain again during lap 2, another 60 seconds.
Lap 3 I ate everything I had and going into it and was probably down
to 10th by that point. I was going really slow at this point. I knew
it was going to be painful as I was already fighting cramps in my
hamstrings. Then came cramps in my quads. When I would stand up to
pedal and reach the bottom of my pedal stroke, leg fully extended, my
leg would lock straight! I had to force it to bend again! 3/4
through the last lap my hammys were wanting to seize up when I dropped
the chain again. This time Frame came up on me while I was putting
'er back on. He asked if I needed anything, I didn't...just needed to
be finished! Got the chain on and he slowed for me to help get me
going again. I only stuck wth him for just over a mile or two and
just couldn't push my legs anymore. It felt like the Brown County
Breakdown kind of pain. My arse was friggin raw as my seat pounded me
over every little bump. I was suffering! I couldn't push the pedals
down and so my rear was just bouncing all over the place! I finished
my water 20 minutes before the lap was over. Was able to pass two
more experts before the finish though.
Finished 2 minutes and 1 place behind Jeff and we were both in the
bottom 1/4 of the results. Not our best race by any means. Tough day
in the saddle.

Dreams

This is gonna be vague just so you know. Sorry.

But, two weeks ago there was no sign of my dreams coming to fruition. I had settled in my heart and mind that I would settle back into the familiar and common way I had experience in the past. My passion and dream didn't seem to working out and so I had set it aside and was in a kind of funk, but didn't want to push what could have been my own desires and not God's will. Then the intervention!
Two weeks ago I was confronted by a good friend about what I've done with my dreams and passions. He got in my face, through iChat, and told me I'd probably regret not running after this dream. He told me the things I thought needed to be in place did not have to be in place if God was with me in this. He reminded me of the way I felt alive when pursuing this dream. But there was frustration at the end of the conversation. I didn't want to have to wrestle with the dream again. It was hard to pray and to think and to process. It's work to seek God and listen. It's hard to wrestle with decisions that radically redirect the trajectory of your and your family's life. And I had settled it already in my mind and didn't want it brought back up. Then there was another intervention!
Two days later a friend from out of state, who comes into town one time a year, had lunch with me and asked about how pursuing my dream was going. I told him my fears and how I set it aside but how I had been confronted recently. And for the next hour my false perceptions of what it would take to live the dream was revealed. My confusion over my understanding of what God has called me into was clarified. I realized I was putting pressure on myself to become a different kind of person and leader because I thought the dream couldn't be realized without this kind of person. That got blown out of the water as my friend retold me my dream and showed me that the kind of person needed to pull it off what just who I am! I felt a sense of freedom I hadn't felt for a long while!
And from that day so much has happened. I mean a whole bunch! Confirmation after confirmation has been given. Family is 'on board', friends too, resources are available, mentors are saying "yes" and much more! And I'm being moved everyday with thankfulness and wondering why I get to live into my dreams and how God could be so good and his timing so perfect!
As more develops I'll be sure to post for the three of you who still look at this page!